He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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