i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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