he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
