I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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