Cold hands, warm shart.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
