Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
