I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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