Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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