it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
