She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
