Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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