fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
