I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
