My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
