Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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