I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
