Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
