Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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