oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
