i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
