How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
