You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
