haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
