I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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