Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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