hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
