Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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