we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
