You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
