Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
