There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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