There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
