i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
