i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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