take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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