You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
