i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are two peas in an std pod
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
