It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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