My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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