Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
