Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
