he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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