The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
