Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So squirting runs in the family.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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