i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
