Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm really into asian looking animals
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My vagina is officially offended.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
