She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i've created a new STD.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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