official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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