I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
