i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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