you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
