he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
