Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
