is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
