i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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