Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
