I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
