I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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