My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
