A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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