he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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