Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
