I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
