i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
