Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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