I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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