I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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