I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
