Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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