In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
