I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
