real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
