She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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