You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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