Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
