You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
