I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
