i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
